FindingStone Counseling Center
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Phoenix, Arizona 85014
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CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

Child sexual abuse has been reported up to 80,000 times a year, but the number of unreported instances is far greater, because the children are afraid to tell anyone what has happened, and the legal procedure for validating an episode is difficult. The problem should be identified, the abuse stopped, and the child should receive professional help. The long-term emotional and psychological damage can be devastating.

Child sexual abuse can take place within the family, by a parent, step-parent, sibling or other relative; or outside the home, for example, by a friend, neighbor, child care person, teacher or random molester. However, when the sexual abuse has occurred, the child develops a variety of distressing feelings and thoughts.

No child is psychologically prepared to cope with repeated sexual stimulation. Even a two or three year old, who cannot know the sexual activity is "wrong," will develop problems resulting from the inability to cope with the over stimulation.

The child of five or older who knows and cares for the abuser becomes trapped between affection or loyalty for the person, and the sense that the sexual activities are terribly wrong. If the child tries to break away from the sexual relationship, the abuser may threaten the child with violence or loss of love. When sexual abuse occurs within the family, the child may fear the anger, jealousy or shame of other family members, or be afraid the family will break up if the secret is told.

A child who is the victim of prolonged sexual abuse usually develops low self-esteem, a feeling of worthlessness and an abnormal perspective on sexuality. The child may become withdrawn and mistrustful of adults, and can become suicidal.

Some children who have been sexually abused have difficulty relating to others except on sexual terms. Some sexually abused children become child abusers or prostitutes, or have other serious problems when they reach adulthood.

Often there are no physical signs of child abuse, or signs that only a physician can detect, such as changes in the genital or anal area.

The behavior of sexually abused children may include:

Child sexual abusers can make the child extremely fearful of telling, and only when a special effort has helped the child to feel safe, can the child talk freely.

If a child says that he or she has been molested, parents should stress that what happened was not the fault of the child. Parents should seek a medical examination and consult with a psychotherapist.

These are some preventive measures that parents can take:

How Children Tell Abuse Sexual Abuse

Speaking Directly 

Indirect Hints

Children may speak indirectly, because they are checking your reaction, they don't have the vocabulary to
describe the abuse, or they may be too embarrassed to be more specific, but remember that you do not need all
the details of the abuse in order to make a report.

Disguised Disclosure

In a disguised disclosure, children may very well be talking about themselves. Encourage them to talk about the
other child. They may then tell you who they are really talking about. Be sure to discuss options for getting help.  

Barriers to Disclosure - Why Children Don't Tell 

Children don't want to disappoint adults by reporting something repulsive.
Children resist talking about "nasty things".
Children are uncomfortable or lack the vocabulary to describe what has happened to them.
Children are taught not to "tattle".
Children are taught to be respectful of adults. Children fear getting an adult in trouble or disobeying an adult
who has requested secrecy.

Breaking Barriers - Why Children Tell

Children tell when they receive sexual abuse prevention information.
Children tell when they come into contact with someone who appears to "already know".
Children tell when they come into contact with a person who does not appear to be judgmental, critical or
threatening.
Children tell when they believe a continuation of the abuse will be unbearable.
Children tell when physical injury occurs.
Children tell to protect another child.
Children tell if pregnancy is a threat.
Children tell when the come into contact with someone who may protect them.

How to Report Suspected Abuse

In all states, there are mandatory reporting laws for child abuse. This covers all children, with or without
disabilities, to age 18.

In all states but seven, there are mandatory laws for reporting abuse of "dependent adults" and the elderly.
Dependent adults are defined as those between ages 18-64 who due to disability require assistance and
supervision for their continued health and safety.

In general, reporting of suspected abuse of either children or dependent adults is mandatory for any person in a
paid position of providing care or services to that individual, or in the employment of an agency that provides
such services, such as clerical or janitorial service. Typically, reporting is voluntary for parents, neighbors,
friends or acquaintances. In short, those without an employment or fiscal responsibility to the dependent
individual.

In most cases, mandatory reporters must provide their name and agency affiliation when reporting, although this
information may not be shared with anyone who does not have an investigatory responsibility or role. Voluntary
reporters may report anonymously. Failure to report suspected abuse properly can result in fines or
imprisonment for mandatory reporters.

Who must report:

The law states who must report. In general, mandated reporters include any and all personnel whose jobs are
related to child caring activities or working with "vulnerable adults." Those include volunteers,
para-professionals and grounds personnel, as well as direct care staff, teachers, vocational supervisors and
medical personnel.

Who may report:

Anyone may file a suspicion of child abuse or neglect or abuse of a "vulnerable adult." If you are not mandated to
report you have an option to file your report anonymously. This is important to those who fear possible physical,
verbal or social reprisals where it is felt a report should be made.

When should a report be made?

You should report when you have a valid suspicion of abuse or neglect. Your suspicion would be based on
tangible evidence, the child's or adult's statement, your observation of behavioral, physical or psychological
cues, as well as your "gut feeling." You do not have to prove abuse or "make sure" it exists before you report.
You are not an investigator. The authorized investigator has the job of determining whether abuse has occurred,
and whether intervention is indicated. Many people are unclear on this issue, and fail to report at the "suspicion"
level. C. Henry Kempe said it best when he advised to "err on the side of protecting the person rather than risk
the death or continued abuse of the victim" by our silence.

To whom to you report?

If the suspected abuse victim is a child, you may report to Child Protective Services or the local law enforcement
agency (police, county sheriff, etc.). Usually these are the only two agencies authorized to receive and respond
to suspected abuse reports for children. If the suspected abuse victim is a "vulnerable adult," between 18 and 64
years of age, Adult Protective Services, in addition to the local law enforcement agency are the authorized
agents to receive and respond to suspected abuse reports.

What should be reported?

When there is a suspicion that abuse of some kind may be occurring, it should be reported. The abuse may take
the form of a one-time occurrence or a pattern of abusive acts. The following should be reported:

Physical Abuse: when you notice an indication of excessive physical abuse of a child or "vulnerable adult." This
may be apparent from marks you see on their body, having heard or seen a pattern of physical altercations, or
the person's own report of same.

Sexual Abuse: any sexuality with a child or a "vulnerable adult" is considered abusive. this includes overt sexual
behavior by an adult or older child, that is intended to provide either sexual gratification of the abuser, or
gratification of achieving a sense of power and control over another, using sex as the medium. This includes
kissing, fondling, sexual intercourse and oral sex, among other behaviors. In addition, the person or child might
be used by taking photographs of them, forced nudity, prostitution or other sexual coerced conduct.

Emotional/Verbal Abuse: Using the abuse definitions for your state, this generally refers to a pattern of verbal
assaults upon a child which is designed to "put down," humiliate, or otherwise psychologically ignore the child.

Severe Neglect: a pattern of failing to adequately provide for the physical, mental, medical or emotional/social
needs of a child.

It is important to note that it is a pattern of continued behavior that is generally required to develop a suspicion of
abuse. An occasional outburst within families is considered normal, unless it results in serious physical or mental
injury. Sexual "outbursts," however, are never considered non-abusive. When in doubt, ask the appropriate
agency.

How do you make a report?

If you are reporting voluntarily, you may make your report by telephone. The protective service agency will need
basic information including identification of the suspected abuse victim and why you suspect abuse has
occurred. As a voluntary reporter, you may report anonymously.

If you are a mandated reporter, you must both telephone your report within 24 hours and follow this call in writing
within 72 hours, mailing it to the person to whom you reported by telephone. This is a simple, straightforward
report that required identifying information on the suspected victim and perpetrator, a brief summary of the
situation, and information that identifies you as the responsible reporting party.

What happens after I report? Can I find out how the investigation is going and how it ends up?

Mandated reporters, in most state, have the right to receive information on the progress and outcome of the
investigation. As most protective services workers are overwhelmed with reports, the worker will probably not
seek out the individual who filed the report. However, the worker and supervisor can be contacted and are
required to provided information to the mandated reporter only.

Intervention:

After a report is filed, an investigation is begun. This is a critical time. If you are the parent of a person with
developmental disabilities, you may find it necessary to educate the investigator on disability and communication
issues as they relate to you child. Most investigators have not received any training in working with people with
developmental disabilities, so they are at a disadvantage. To do your part to assure the most effective
investigation possible, work with the investigative team.

The purposes of the investigation are to:

1.substantiate the abuse
2.identify the perpetrator
3.assure the safety of the victim by
removing the abuser or victim from the abuse location
providing medical care
providing mental health care
4.stabilize the situation on a permanent basis.


Tips for Parents

Chances are you started to teach your children safety rules as soon as they moved about - rules like "don't touch
the hot stove," and "don't run into the street." And every child learns about not taking candy from strangers.
Here is another set of rules to help you teach your children the difference between affection and abuse, between
good and confusing touches. Your willingness to talk about sexual abuse with your children can be the first
important step in preventing it from ever happening.

Teach your children that they are special and deserve good touching.
Find out what your children know about good and confusing types of touches. By asking about it, you let
them know that it is okay to talk about these things.
Be specific when talking with your children. Be sure they understand what you mean.
Be calm and matter-of-fact. This information does not have to be embarrassing. It is okay to tell your
children that this is a difficult topic for you to talk about.
Teach your children the correct names for all parts of the body. If you are uncomfortable with the
anatomically correct names, practice them aloud in private until you are comfortable with them. In the
meantime, the term "private parts" will do, as long as you are specific about which parts these are.
Encourage your children to trust their feelings. Tell them that it is okay to say NO to ANYONE who touches
them in a confusing way, and that they should always tell you about it.
Encourage your children to come to you with any and all questions. Let them know that you are an
"askable" parent, and LISTEN to what they say.
Teach children that it is wrong to keep secrets about touching and whom they can tell.
Teach your children that it is wrong for another person to forcefully touch them on their private parts or
inside their pants.
Teach them that it is wrong for them to be forced into looking at or touching another person's private parts.
Play "what if" games with your children. Create situations that may be confusing or frightening and ask them
what they would do about it (e.g., What would you do if someone asked you to play undressing games?)
Balance this with games about good touching.
If your children are afraid to be alone with someone, such as a relative or babysitter, FIND OUT WHY. Most
abusive touching is done by someone the child knows.
Teach your children that you will believe them when they come to you with problems about touching - and
mean it!
Teach your children that while most grown-ups know how to behave with children, some do not - and may
need some help. If they should meet one of these grown-ups, they should get away and tell someone who will
see that these grown-ups get the help they need.
Make sure your children know that if this confusing touch should happen to them, that it is not their fault and
that they will NOT get into trouble for telling you about it.

We all want our children to grow up to be safe and happy. Today this means more than warning them not to take
candy from strangers. It means giving them the knowledge and confidence needed to defend themselves, if
necessary from friends and relatives. Teaching the difference between affection and abuse is a big step that you,
as parents, can take to be sure your child has a safe and happy life.

If someone would attempt to molest your child -- perhaps ask him or her to play a secret touching game -- what
would be his/her immediate reaction? Remember that a molester will take advantage of a child's innocence,
needs or fears. The are looking for a compliant child. What makes the difference between the child who will
agree to the "secret game" and the child who is strong enough to decide that this is wrong, to say no, and then to
tell a trusted adult?

The child's strength, the ability to refuse to be a victim is learned at home. What have you taught your child about
being assertive? Have you given your child the necessary self-esteem to say "NO"? You might want to think about
the following questions and how your answers might affect your child's ability to say "NO".

Is your child taught to always think of other first, to put their own needs last?
Have you taught your child that they must obey any and all adults?
Are your rules for your child so strict that they completely ignore their feelings?
Does your child know whom they could go to with questions about confusing touches or situations?
If your child told you about the "secret game," are they confident that you will listen to them and take them
seriously?
Is your child taught to trust their own intuition about situations or do they believe that their feelings don't
count?
In your home, do other people always know what is best for the child?
Does your child have any doubts that they are loved? Are they vulnerable to flattery from others?
Is your daughter taught to be less independent and assertive because she is a girl?

None of us can answer these questions and be absolutely sure that we have done or said the right thing all the
time. We can begin to evaluate our parenting style, and make changes that will help our children become strong
and independent -- and less likely to become a victim of sexual abuse.

(from The Silent Children by Linda Tschirhart Sanford)


Responding to a Disclosure

If a child disclosed to you, you are in a very important position, because the child trusts you enough to talk with
you about sexual abuse. We are not suggesting that you "interview" the child. We do suggest that you have the
courage to listen and talk with them. Although this may be difficult, the following suggestions may make it easier:

1.Don't pressure the child to talk. It is better to go slowly, not to ask for too much, too quickly. Concentrate on
the needs of the child.
2.Believe the child and take the information seriously. Reassure them that you do believe them.
3.Control your emotions:
Don't panic. Stay calm. It is normal to feel fear or anger, but such reactions could frighten the child.
Let the child know that any feelings of anger are not directed at them.
Do not blame, punish or embarrass the child.
4.Reassure the child that they have done the right thing by telling you (example: "It is OK to talk about this. I
am glad you told me.").
Tell them that you are sorry if this has made them unhappy or hurt them.
Tell them that this was not their fault. The adult is to blame.
Tell them they have a right to be safe.
Tell them that "Uncle Harry" was wrong to do this and that he needs to get help so that he doesn't hurt
anyone again.
5.Use the language of the child. Whatever terms they use for the body parts, accept them and use them.
6.Do not make promises you cannot keep. A child may say, "I have something I need to tell you but you have to
promise to keep it a secret." The child's trust has most likely been broken already by someone close to
them. It is important to ensure them you can keep it a secret as long as they are not in danger. If the child
discloses they are being hurt, you must report it and the child should know that.
7.Do not put words into the child's mouth. Do not say, "Did Dad put his hand in your panties?" Instead, to
encourage a child to be more specific, you might say:
Tell me what happened. I'll listen.
Did something scary happen to you?
Tell me what happened next.
Use your own words. It is okay to go slowly.
Does anyone ever touch you in a way that makes you confused or frightened?
Are you afraid of someone?
Is there anyone making you do something you don't like?
I care about you and the reason I am here is because I want to keep children safe and not be hurt.
Has anyone hurt you?
8.The child might want something done to the offender immediately. Reassure the child that the best thing to
do is to report it to keep them safe. You don't know what will happen to the offender.
9.Determine the child's immediate safety. Alert CPS, the police, the principal, the Child Protection Team, or
whomever needs to know.
10.Let the child know what you are going to do next. Let them help decide whom to tell first.
11.Write down everything the child has told you, even if you think it isn't important. Be sure to document dates
and use the child's own words.