Be available to listen to your adolescent. Teens are usually willing to converse on their time frame - -not on a pre-arranged schedule.

When handling misbehavior, establish a balance between discipline and guidance. Teens need to succeed or fail on their own.

Assess your expectations of your child - - are they fair?

Try not to respond in anger. Step back, count to 10 (or 100).

Be willing to compromise. You may lose some battles, but still win the war.

Give your teen as much control as possible.

Don't feel guilty or try to make your teen feel guilty. remember that you've done the best you could with the resources available.

Remember that you're not responsible for your adolescent's emotional confusion or the decisions he/she might make.

Ignore as much of your teen's "hassling" as possible. Remember it is part of their development and won't last forever. (think about power struggles with a two year old.)

Have consequences for misbehavior previously set. this helps avoiding disciplining in anger.     Consequences should be  natural and/or logical.

Choose your battles carefully. What's more important - -haircuts or drinking? Pierced ears or delinquent behavior?

Teens need to be involved in determining and setting appropriate and reasonable curfews. This demonstrates that the parents care about the teen and will continue to provide safety, and yet respect the teen's ability to make decisions.

Some experts believe that the last three years of a teen's stay in the home (16-18) should be practicing for living in the adult world. rather than setting curfews, they suggest that parents ask their teens three questions:       

• 1.) When can I expect you?      

• 2.) If I need to reach you in an emergency, how can I do so?  

• 3.) When should I start worrying and notify the police?  Some parents find this extreme, yet, it is helpful to discuss these questions with your teen.

Parents using the above tactic with their teens should always model appropriate behavior by always answering the above questions for their teen when leaving home. This method does not work for all teens since some may not have the inner control necessary to set their own limits.

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Helping your Child Deal with Anger

Encourage children to express their anger in words. Even if they use inappropriate words with you, respond with, "It's OK for you to tell me you are angry with me because . . .but, it is not OK for you to talk to me that way." You are letting children know they can talk about their anger but it must be done respectfully.

Show your child you have really listened to her/him by repeating what was said and expressing some understanding of the child's feelings.

Discuss your child's reason for being angry. The more the reasons are explored-disappointment, jealousy sadness, frustration, etc., the easier it is to help the child deal with anger.

Let the child cool off. Younger children might go into "time-out"; older children can be advised to take time to collect their emotions.

Recommend exercise or some physical activity to work off their anger energy.

Suggest to them to take deep breaths, take a warm bath, listen to soothing music, and other methods of "self-comforting."

When the child has calmed down, focus on coming up with creative solutions to deal with the cause of the anger.

Distraction by involving them in something that takes their attention and energy is especially helpful with younger children.

Share a story about a time you struggled with and were able to control your anger.

Suggest a creative outlet - drawing, writing a poem, letter or story describing their anger.

Remind your child that there is nothing wrong with feeling angry - it is how it is handled that makes the difference between a constructive or destructive outcome.

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When a child is praised, and feels appreciated for who he or she is, he or she will experience a greater sense of well being and calm. A stressed child will become more relaxed and playful, a serious child more joyful, a sullen child , brighter. How can you help your child today?

101 Ways To Praise Your Child

-Wow - Super - You're special - Way to go - Outstanding - Excellent - Great - Good - Neat - Well done - Remarkable - I knew you could do it - I'm proud of you - fantastic - super star - nice work - looking good - you're on top of it - beautiful - now you're flying - you're catching on - now you've got it - you're incredible - bravo - you're fantastic - hurray for you - you're on target - you're on your way - how nice - how smart - good job - that's incredible - you're incredible - you're unique - nothing can stop you now - good for you - I like you - you're a winner - remarkable job - beautiful work - spectacular - you're spectacular - you're darling - you're precious - great discovery - you've discovered the secret - you've figured it out - fantastic job - hip,hip, hurray - you're important - phenomenal - you're sensational - sensational work - super work - creative performance - bingo - magnificent - marvelous - terrific - you're important - exceptional performance - you're a real trooper - you are being very responsible - you are exciting - you learned it right - what an imagination - what a good listener - you are fun - you are a good listener - you're growing up - you tried hard - you care - outstanding performance - beautiful - sharing - you're a good friend - I trust you - you're important - you mean alot to me - you're important - you belong - you've got a friend - you make me laugh - you know how to spread happiness - you brighten my day - I respect you - you mean the world to me - you're a joy - you're a treasure - you're wonderful - you're wise - you're A-O.K. - you're a buddy - awesome - A+ job - you make my day - you deserve a big hug - you're the best - you're super!

and remember---a smile, to a child, can be worth a thousand words!

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What a Parent Can Do About Bullying?

If your child is being victimized:

Affirm your child at every opportunity - stress that he/she is not at fault.

Discuss a range of options and talk with your child about each one in detail.

Offer to be an outlet for the hurt and anger your child is experiencing.

Teach your child how to communicate assertively or find training for that skill.

Enroll your child in a non-violent self-defense class. (encouraging your child to fight back physically might result in serious injury.)

Share a personal experience from our own life when you or someone else handled bullying in a successful way.

Help your child understand that bullying is not only physical, verbal or sexual abuse, but can be emotional abuse as well. rejecting, ignoring, isolating, terrorizing and corrupting are also abusive behaviors which may not easily be identified by children.

If the problem continues, consider talking to the bully yourself. It is best to have your child's permission, but you may decide to intervene without it. In talking to the bully, remain calm but firm, present the facts and state a plan of action you intend to take.

Consider bringing your child and the bully together to discuss the situation and problem solve a solution. Be firm, but listen respectfully to the bully as well as your child.

Involve the teacher or principal who may not be aware of the situation. Develop a joint plan and share information. suggest that the subject of bullying needs to be addressed as a training issue with school staff and parent organizations.

You may choose to inform the parents of the bully but be aware that the response may not stop the bullying if the parent is in denial or the parent may accuse your child. if you choose to confront a parent, be sure to remain clam and speak as a problem- solver rather than an adversary.

Remember that how you work through this problem with your child can prepare him/her to deal appropriately and effectively with future life challenges.

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Some Facts About Bullies

Thousands of children are victimized daily by other children who bully them physically, verbally, sexually or emotionally.   Bullies usually display the following characteristics:

• ...A positive attitude toward violence

• ...Impulsivity.  They hurt others without thinking of the consequences.

• ...Aggressive in their behaviors and communication.

• ...Show a strong need to dominate others

• ...Express little or no empathy for their victims.

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Helping a Bully Change

A parent or other caring adult can help a bully change. Here are some of the things that need to happen if a bully is to change:

• an evaluation to determine if there is a physical or psychological basis for out-of-control behavior.

• learn ways to manage anger so it is not taken out on others

• learn to feel powerful through positive outlets rather than through dominating others.

• learn to be more empathetic - develop concern for the feelings of others.

• develop social skills

• start with a commitment to "one day at a time" behavior: "I will not pick on anyone today."

• try to get attention by doing something positive.

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